Monthly Archives: March 2010

Too busy or not too busy, that is the question

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As I said in an earlier post, last summer, I spent a lot of time with the Lord in devotional time and prayer. But I forgot to say something in that post. I forgot to say that I lost that habit. Somewhere in the midst of my “busy” life, that precious one-on-one time with my King got cut.

Well, I wanted it back. But it occurred to me that it was no longer requisite of my day. Working with a ministry, you do those things as part of the programming with the students. Plus, we staff, as a team of spiritual guides, know that if we aren’t rooted in the Truth, then we will not bear fruit. So you see, it was a must then. But now, apart from the structure of that summer, it is a choice — a daily, hourly, moment-by-moment choice.

Knowing how much I appreciated that structure and that start of my day, it’s surprising to me that I could let such a habit slide. Well, when I got to thinking about it, I realized it’s easy to let important things slide. Because habits, especially, take a continual commitment. Not a one-time commitment, but continual.

And lately I’ve been catching myself saying things like, “I’m sorry I can’t do that important thing you asked me to do; I have x, y, and z to do.” Or just: “Sorry. Can’t help. Too busy!” What that means is: My stuff is more important to me than your stuff. Ouch. I don’t really want to be that way, you know?

So I asked myself: How do I want to be? Well, I want to serve others and exercise selflessness. I want to be the friend I wish to have. I want to prioritize my time with God. And above all, I want to stop being “too busy” for the things that matter most to me.

Eventually, about a month or so ago, I returned to my morning devo (I very much recommend complimenting scripture with Oswald Chambers’ classic, My Utmost for His Highest). What started as a chore (waking up early) and a discipline (prioritizing this time and not jumping right into work mode) has become the delight of my day. Seriously, I love it. But I have to remember that, because spending quality time with my Father is about the most important thing in life, and if I start saying I’m “too busy” for it, well then, I’m the only one to blame.

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What Not to Wear

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Last month, my dear friend and pastor, Mike Magura, asked me to join the discussion on dating in front of my whole peer community. At first, I was terrified. Then, I was mortified. “Why the heck did he choose me?”  I wondered. Well, apparently, “I wear my singleness well”. And it took me a while to mine over that statement and figure out what he meant.

I eventually concluded that he is right – so long as I choose to “wear” my singleness like a robe or exterior. Unfortunately, “wearing” something covers up what is underneath. Every day, we choose how we robe, and we clothe ourselves – with fear, with pride, with guilt, with lust. With wounds, scars, and holes underneath. But I want to emphasize something here. We are not what we wear. Nor are we identified by what is underneath. 

In the eyes of the world, it appears that I wear my singleness well. But it did not come without cost. There are layers and layers of significance behind that robe. There are battles and wounds; there is hurt and suffering. And there is, ultimately, surrender.

After all, it is not what I choose to wear, but what I choose to believe that sets me free. And I choose Christ.

By choosing Christ, I know that no one person can fill the void that is in Him, alone. Thus, I am not empty; I am not in want. I am not without. I am loved. Choosing that love has made all the difference. To others, it looks like I “wear” my singleness well. But this is not something I wear, friends. It is deeper within, rooted in Truth, telling me what true love is.

God is love.      – 1 John 4:8

p.s. In the end, I surrendered my fear, and agreed to join the panel discussion and contribute my thoughts – not because I have it all figured out, but because I’ve made so many mistakes. And what is wisdom, if it is not shared?